Safety is the basis for every human action. I want to introduce you to the aspects of safety you maybe haven't thought of before, and show you how it is the basis for everything we do and feel. Definition of Safety: freedom from harm or danger: the state of being safe
How do you feel when you feel safe? On a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level? I feel it like an expansion. Like there's a lot of space. It's easy to breathe, easy to smile. My posture is relaxed, I really receive all the beautiful things around me: the soft breeze, the variety of colors and textures I can see, the smells, the sounds. It all feels easy and I can see the goodness in things. Contrastingly, how do you feel when you feel unsafe? What's different? So many negative emotions emerge from feeling unsafe: anxiety, sadness, fear, anger, aggression, insecurities, control issues, etc.
When I feel unsafe my breathing is shorter, tighter. Overall I feel more tension in my body, my face, my shoulders, my lungs. My posture is more hunched over and rigid. Noises bother me more, I feel easily agitated and on guard. I don't notice the positive things as easily. The chatter of my mind feels overwhelming. I seek comfort in ways that are easily found. If we consistently don't feel safe, we start to try to soothe ourselves and develop coping mechanisms. When we can't feel safe we reach for things to distract us from how unsafe we feel, or we grasp for external things to create the illusion of safety for ourselves. For emotional eaters, feeling unsafe is often just a short moment before the strong craving for food kicks in. The lack of safety is still present beneath it, but the distraction, the escape and the safety that food provides is all consuming. In work with my clients, and in my own process, I notice how it is the moments when we didn't feel safe as children that created the limiting beliefs, the negative emotions, and the subsequent escapisms to cope. And those limiting beliefs aren't for purposefully harming ourselves - they are just emotions, behaviors, and thought patterns that we learned from the people around us that seemed like the best way for us to feel safe at that time. Think about it: when you feel safe: you can relax. Your needs are met. You take a deep breath. When we feel safe it supports us in feeling lots of other enjoyable feelings like: powerful, protected, strong, reassured, calm, peaceful, loved, inspired. Our subconscious mind is what is tracking our emotional and physical response to experiences to ensure we stay safe. When we physically feel unsafe our nervous system shifts into “fight or flight” mode, and our subconscious mind, which is using all of our senses to track what's happening, associates what it's seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting with the need to shift into "we're not safe" mode of fight or flight. Ultimately our subconscious is always trying to keep us as safe as possible. In that light, there is no such thing as self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is when we do things that undermine our progress towards something we consciously want. The reason we do things that seemingly go against what we want is because on some level, perhaps deep deep down beneath the denial, anger, resentment, and sadness, our subconscious mind is telling us "This isn't safe. Shut it down." To learn about a distinct example of this, look for my upcoming post on "How Fat is Protecting You: How extra weight in a hyper-sexualized world is a brilliant defense". Remembering how inherently safe we are is such a powerful thing to do.... So next time you start to feel yourself shutting down, getting triggered, try asking yourself, "what feels unsafe about this?" and remind yourself, "I'm really safe right here, right now." Remind yourself of the support of the floor beneath you, the earth beneath that, the support of your breath. The support of your bones and your body, holding you. *** I welcome you if you are ready to let go of the story you have about your body, your diet, your exercise, and how valuable you are. It doesn’t have to be a struggle. You can feel authentically great. One of the greatest sadnesses, is a life unlived. Don’t let your body image be what keeps you from living your life. Warmly - Makayla
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Author:Makayla McDonald is a Body Image Coach who lives in Boulder, Colorado. She is passionate about connecting to freedom and peace for herself and for all of her community! Archives
October 2016
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