Part of enjoying life more is making peace with what is. Is the present moment perfect? It depends on your definition of perfect... What is perfection anyway?
The meaning of perfection, like most words, varies depending on who is defining it. We can associate an unlimited number of things with being perfect:
Associations are very intricate. They can include anything we experience through our five senses: smells, sights, sounds, touch, taste, and they can also include other experiences: the inner sensations of our body, the energetic tone, the emotional quality. I'd like to introduce you to your perfection concept. Take a moment here to connect with your idea of perfection. What's your definition of perfection? Grab a journal and then do this exercise: Read this first and then close your eyes to tune into your definition of perfection. What does perfection feel like to you? What does perfection look like? If it were a person, who would it be? If it had a voice, what would it say? If it had an emotion, what would it be? Does perfection feel light or heavy? Does it feel constricted or expansive? Now that you have a snapshot of your definition of perfection, how does it sit with you? Does your definition sit well with you? Do you want to change it? Perfectionism isn't intrinsically bad, but we sure do seem to use perfection to restrict, punish, and chastise ourselves. In my personal experience, and in my conversations with other women, perfectionism is very harmful. It makes us not do the things we really want to do, it steals away our enjoyment of the incremental growth and improvements, and it makes us be so HARD on ourselves. If that's what perfectionism creates, then who would want that? Perfection promises us something, otherwise we wouldn't keep putting ourselves through this torture, right? Perfection promised me that getting the perfect grades in school would make the rest of my life successful, and would guarantee a clear path to my ideal career. Perfection promised me that having the perfect physical presentation: perfect skin, perfect body, perfect hair, perfect clothes would guarantee a happy, loving, rom-com-esque relationship. Perfection promised me the admiration and respect of my family, my peers, my teachers, and people I haven't even met yet. If I was perfect, they would automatically like me, it promised. Perfection promised me glowing health, weight loss, and everything associated with being the "right size" if I had a perfect diet, sleep schedule, and exercise regime. But here's the problem: perfection isn't possible, and even if it were, it can't fulfill its promises anyway! If it did fulfill the promises, then maybe it would be worthwhile, but in my experience, it's just a way to make the pathway more painful. Not being perfect makes us think we don't deserve good things, good men, good jobs, good clothes, good food... etc. Perfectionism generally seems to look like some way of holding ourselves separate from pleasure, enjoyment, delight. It's like a boundary that says, "You can't be happy unless you are perfect!" Or, it undermines our happiness - making us doubt the happiness we feel. "Well, you'd be happier if you had the perfect body, or the perfect hair, or the perfect outfit." A reframe for Perfectionism: Striving for perfectionism can be quite a narrowing experience. What I love about not being perfect is that it frees up so much space to explore and try things out! What if we were encouraged to make mistakes? What if we were brought up in schools that told us, I don't think you took enough risk in this paper, I want there to be more mistakes, I want you to explore the edges more. What if we were encouraged to make ourselves uncomfortable? What if we were encouraged to be messy? The more times you try anything out, the more of a chance you have to improve, succeed, and grow. If you’re worried about being perfect, chances are you aren’t taking any chances. You’re limiting yourself. Where I'm at now with perfectionism: My old definition of perfectionism created so much pain, and there are times now when it still creeps in. I feel is as a tightness: I start to freeze into a fearful paralysis. When that happens I come back to my breath; I sometimes tap on that anxious feeling; I ask myself what I'm needing. I also remind myself that it's GREAT to make mistakes, and be imperfect. Sometimes I'll ask myself "What's right about this?" just to get myself looking for the positive. Sometimes I sassily say, "Hey! Cut that out, you're doing such a great job! You're trying.” In my new definition of perfection I'm choosing to notice more and more the perfection of imperfection. I do think perfection exists, but only as fleeting moments: The flavor of a peach; the color of the light when the sun is just rising; when a song sounds so good, and it feels so good to move your body to it. There's a perfection in that. Giving perfection a more fluid, more moment-based definition makes perfection not only achievable, but also makes it enjoyable. Looking for the perfection right here, right now. Break down the associations with perfection that make you feel separate from it, that make you feel less-than. What if perfection is here right now? What if it's in the journey? What if failure is perfection? What if we all let go of being so serious about it all? So, by all means, strive for perfection. As long as your definition of perfection makes you feel good, powerful, and confident. Let the striving for that be your expression of perfection.You are perfect, right here right now. Your definition just needs to catch up. *** I welcome you to love the body you live in. Don’t let your body image be what keeps you from living your life. Warmly - Makayla
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Author:Makayla McDonald is a Body Image Coach who lives in Boulder, Colorado. She is passionate about connecting to freedom and peace for herself and for all of her community! Archives
October 2016
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