How Carrying Extra Weight is a Brilliant Defense. Can fat serve as a subconscious protective barrier? When we know our bodies aren’t as healthy, vivacious, or as alive as we want, and when that looks like excess fat cells, inflammation, or water retention there is a subconscious story possibly at play. Becoming aware of this story can give you some more compassion for yourself, for your body, and for why you can’t seem to feel totally healthy right now. The Story: At one point in many women’s* lives they were radiant, open, embodied, and comfortable. Then they experienced something that made them feel unsafe. Often this comes in the form of unwanted sexual attention. I give unwanted sexual attention a very broad definition to include sexual assault, unwanted touch, subtle looks, remarks, or any moment that you feel unsafe in your body. All the times it didn’t feel safe to say "no", or when your "no" wasn’t honored, impact your feeling of safety greatly. Look for my future blog about "Where's your "No" at?" to hear more about the importance of "no", and how we can reclaim it. *see footnote If an experience registers as unsafe on a subconscious level, that woman will sometimes put on weight to hide, or to create a physical boundary for themselves. Fat becomes a protective barrier that makes her less noticeable, that makes the people harassing her lose interest, and that provides a protective barrier.
It’s crazy when your subconscious takes control of your health and body. It doesn’t know that there are other ways to keep you safe besides carrying extra weight. It thinks, “This person is scary and physically intimidating; I'll get big so that I'm as big as them”. Or it thinks, “All these intimidating men keep harassing me; I'll get bigger and maybe I won’t be as appealing to them, and I’ll be invisible. If they don’t see me, they won’t bother me”. As she tries to diet and exercise to lose weight, little does she know that her subconscious thinks the extra weight is what's keeping her safe, and that it will do whatever it takes to make sure she keeps this protective layer. Here enters food as a subconscious soothing tool. If we’re looking for comfort, food is a smart thing to reach for (for short term relief). Food produces biochemical highs, and can connect us with happy memories. We can numb the pain and discomfort in the moment and soothe our subconscious by doing what's needed to create the protective barrier. Here’s where it gets messy: In a world where women's bodies are hyper-sexualized, we can feel like we need to fit a specific image of sexiness and beauty to be loved and worthwhile. We want to be loved and feel worthy, so we strive for it. Hello, dieting industry! If we associate being radiant, sexual, and beautiful with feeling unsafe, because we experienced unwanted sexual attention, we will feel like we have to choose between being loveable or being safe. Part of body love includes reclaiming safety within sexuality. It's time to end the battle between feeling sexy so you can be loved, and putting up barriers so you can stay safe. Wouldn't it be nice to feel fully at home and safe in your body? What if you could feel safe in your sexiness? What if you could feel safe in your boundaries? In my coaching I help my clients access the deep inherent safety that is with them. We clear out the old traumas that created the subconscious desire to carry extra weight for safety. They connect with their sensuality and sexuality in a deeply safe and empowered way. Self-worth becomes self-reliant. It’s exquisite to behold these women and how they blossom. *** Note on size: I celebrate all people being embodied: feeling safe and at home in their bodies. The craziness of needing to look a certain way or be a certain size is its own animal. Only you know what feels right and supportive when it comes to your body. I’m here to make sure your opinion of your body and self-worth is free from outside factors. What I'm addressing here is the importance of feeling safe in your body and your sexuality. I love seeing people of all shapes and sizes loving their bodies, feeling safe in their sexuality, and existing in the world with a deep sense of worthiness and power. Size doesn't dictate that, but sometimes being trapped in a battle with weight loss is an indicator that this deeper feeling of unsafety is running the show. *Note on gender: This subconscious story can occur for any human being, no matter their gender identity. As a cisgendered woman, who mostly works with cisgendered female clients, I can speak to that experience with greater depth. However, I know from renowned author Jon Gabriel (of the Jon Gabriel Method) that this experience of feeling unsafe and subsequently gaining weight to create a physical barrier and sense of safety was what caused him to reach over 400 lbs to feel safety around his verbally abusive boss. A fun Somatic Psychology nerd moment: In body-mind-centering, a profound system of thinking from Somatic Psychology, the body is seen as a resource and each system: bones, fluids, muscles, fat, etc. provides specific help in our emotional/psychological processing. Fat cells are what help us when our nervous system is stressed: when we feel “frazzled” or “on edge”. When our nervous system is triggered, tuning into the fat system helps to insulate and soothe, to create a buffer so that we feel less raw, exposed, and vulnerable. Fat is a very comforting and consoling system. So it makes sense we would amp up our reserves of it if we are dealing with old trauma, or present persistent activation of anxiety and heightened states of anxiety. It doesn’t manifest this way for everyone, of course, but it does happen for a lot of the women I’ve worked with and talked with. *** I welcome you if you are ready to let go of the story you have about your body, your diet, your exercise, and how valuable you are. It doesn’t have to be a struggle. You can feel authentically great. One of the greatest sadnesses, is a life unlived. Don’t let your body image be what keeps you from living your life. Warmly - Makayla
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Author:Makayla McDonald is a Body Image Coach who lives in Boulder, Colorado. She is passionate about connecting to freedom and peace for herself and for all of her community! Archives
October 2016
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